Mayor John Biggs is so desperate for votes in the May election that he intends to name four council buildings after four Bangladeshi ‘local heroes’ in a blatant but probably fruitless attempt to get a few more people to tick his box.
Inspired by this amazingly fresh idea the East End Enquirer’s Sop To Anyone If They Will Vote For Us Department has been energised to carry out a similar task.
Here are the name changes as proposed by Moley.
Royal Mint Court, the proposed site of the new London embassy for the People’s Republic of China, is to be renamed Winnie-The-Pooh Honey Pot Place in recognition of the amazing similarity between China’s president Xi Jinping and the cuddly cartoon character and a true reflection of Tower Hamlets residents feelings toward Xi Jinping and his ethnic cleansing.
Mayor John Biggs will have a barn in a field in Dorset named after him because the only reason for wandering around wearing that flat cap can be is because he really thinks he is a farmer.
Canary Wharf’s Canada Tower is to be renamed after ex-cllr Tarik Khan in honour of his return to full time duties with his main employer.
The local HMRC office will be renamed in honour of the amazing amount of work Cllr. Aias Miah has put in helping the Uber drivers of Tower Hamlets pay their tax and VAT properly.
Cllr Dipa Das will have her choice of borough building named after her as she has been doing all the work Cllr. Ayas Miah should have been doing in St. Dunstan’s ward.
The mouth of the Blackwall Tunnel is to be renamed after Cllr Kevin Brady.
Croydon Town Hall is to be renamed after the borough’s previous Corporate Director of Children’s Services Debbie ‘Naughty Step’ Jones as long as she promises not to come back.
Lutfur Rahman is going to have a house in South Woodford named in his honour if only Moley could find out the address.
Tower Hamlets CEO Will Tuckley will have every mirror in the borough named in his honour in recognition of his ability to appear totally self-satisfied without a hint of irony after boasting of how only 600 coppers were needed to ensure free and fair elections in the borough, beating the previous UK record by 595.
The new town hall in Whitechapel will be named ‘Goldswood Manor’ after Councillors Andrew Wood and Peter Golds in recognition of their work in holding the ruling administration to power for many years.
The shiniest road sweeping machine in the borough is to be named after Aspire Party candidate and Lutfur’s right-hand man Ohid Ahmed just so he knows we don’t forget.
Rich Mix is to be referred to as ‘Denise’s Place’ in future.
Cllr Rabina Khan will have the main runway at London Fashion Week renamed after her in recognition of the sheer number of times she has appeared in the media spotlight despite being the busiest councillor in the borough.
Ex-councillor James King will have his local pub renamed in his honour for the number of times he has obviously wanted to be anywhere else but in another stupid Zoom meeting with the Mayor.
And finally the front door to the Council’s Planning Department is to be renamed after Cllr Abdal “I act, dress, do business, educate my kids, live, sleep and breathe like a Tory but I am a socialist really” Ullah (Mayoral Advisor for Public Realm) in recognition of the many times he has managed to get his property developer chums into the Planning Department and of course his dedication to SKD and Wapping ward because being a local councillor is the only way he gets easy access to the Planning Department (did we mention that already?)